I’ve spent so much of this week reflecting and I feel like it has lead to closure regarding several situations but left so many other things more open-ended than ever.
Spring break has come and gone so quickly. I have to decide where I’m going to go to school next year before the end of this month and I just don’t know what the fuck to do. I have about 7 or 8 weeks left until I graduate and my life will begin. I don’t know how I’m going to pay for the school I’m dying to go to. If I go to said school it will literally be the most drastic thing I’ve ever done in my life. Global College sounds crazy, but at this point I can not picture myself anywhere else. I’ve been in a weird rut lately in several different aspects. I’ve been pretty terrible with words and can’t explain myself or my predicaments very well, or wholly, which suddenly seems so important. I’ve felt scattered before, as I’m sure every being has, but this feels different. I have befriended the most beautiful people in the world, but lately I can’t explain myself to them as well as I have been able to in the past.I don’t even know where I’m going with these statements. I miss you. I don’t miss the past, but my god did it seem beautiful and simple. I can’t help but feeling something is missing lately and I can’t help but feel like you’re the one I should be talking to about these things. Fuck being vague. Fuck school. Fuck people who I’ve shown compassion to that have returned it to me in worse shape than it was in. I need at least another week of break. More than anything, I need clarity.
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