IT WAS ALL A DREAM

UNSENT

- Derrick Brown

I am a relational botch job and horror trophy

I wanted this one to go right

I don’t want a relationship that simply comes together out of crisis.

Why do I care for you so much?

How bout You made me laugh like a maniac and cry like a bum.

You look at me in indescribable ways, into this tinfoil chest.

I am being ripped by these looped sentences.

How could you sleep with someone you hated,

You said sex is no big deal to you; holding hands means a lot.

And what do I do when you don’t want to hold my hand

when we walk through the circle?

You are dating a fella whose head spins in a zillion directions.

Details and symbols.

Maybe I think too much.

Maybe I want to lock fingers and shut up.

I want into your skull

there are some things I don’t wanna know.

And just last night when you told me

about the other fellas you’d date,

how can I measure up to the rich older fellas,

the hip Britpop and art sensibilities,

when a bit of flatulation in January made me laugh through all 1998.

I do dumb jokes and write mooshy poetry.

I goof off. I am poor. I live on a little ship.

My job isn’t stable.

I have no mystery or rebellious grit.

I like dumb magic tricks, skateboards and being tackled.

When you told me about losing your virginity

do you know I wanted to be there

to shake you and say Wait dammit

wait for me.

I think of how I’d feel without you

and I am ripped into freeway trash.

I fell for you twice.

You’re a big fat fuckin’ wow.

so where do I belong?

You used to kiss me mean and good.

You don’t anymore.

I don’t know what you know about me.

I don’t know what you wanna know.

I am the kinda guy who will call too much,

make mistakes on the suave scale,

say the wrong things to your friends,

play American music,

kiss you like hell.

I wanna fix what the other upstanding Christian boy wrecked.

I wanna punch out all the smart, clever

and coy billboards you dated before

and stalk all the boys with secret crushes

and place their hearts on Pungee stakes and say Suck it

she’s mine

My head is a wreck with one survivor.

I needed to flush it all out on paper.

This isn’t an encoded message.

This is me being as honest as I can.

You may have learned nothing from these ramblings

and Jesus … wait

I don’t even know if I’ll ever

show this to you.

"

Sometimes living is a Swiss Bliss

and sometimes it’s a rotten popsicle.

The difference between bad living and bad loving

is a slipped keystroke.

The return key is big and easy,

not as easy as the space key.

"

- DERRICK BROWN, “The Return of Christ” (via sammyclay)

(via cloud-sinking)

loverofstories:

Andrea Gibson preforming Derrick Brown’s ‘Church of the Broken Axe Handle’

Okay, so the first time I ever heard this poem I’m quite certain my life was changed forever. There was a sacred night last summer that I spent with some of the most beautiful people in the world, and at one point in the night we somehow all managed to sit down and REALLY listen to this. I could go on forever about that night, those people, Derrick Brown, and this poem, but I’ll stop here. If you have any appreciation for poetry, I don’t know how you could not enjoy this.

(via fuckyeahslampoems)

You’re a big fat fuckin’ wow,
so where do I belong?

"I want to make love to you while you’re wearing figure skates
until the hardwood floors are toothpicks
I want to kiss your throat in a dressing room with my hands
bound around the slow song in your voice"

- “Cotton in the Air” Derrick C. Brown

The Return of Christ

Trying to let go of you
Is like trying to spit out my teeth
before the dashboard
roars into my throat

Something lonely in the air has over-ripened the fruit.

I want her to return to me tonight, to my ship,
but I don’t wanna do anything different in my life.
I don’t want to be a fresh lure.

I want her to be warm, here, arms full of cake,
still shaped like a broken white viola.

Some piano is being beaten to death outside.
That’s my kind of music.
That’s the night music the kids are all choking on.
I close the hatches of my boat.

It’s so still in here, I can’t write anything
but the songs of divers,
falling into something very quiet.
The more I sit here and eat this poem,
the more my clothes don’t fit.
The more my spaghetti brains and stubborn bruises show.
I need a drink.

All booze is just a sleeping pill now. 
I close my eyes. Love
You taste like someone waving.

Sometimes living is a Swiss Bliss
and sometimes it’s a rotten popsicle.
the difference between bad living and bad loving
is a slipped keystroke.
the return key is big and easy,
not as easy as the space key.

I can imagine people here with me.
they speak in the creaking of aluminum masts.
Comes and goes in waves.

I tell them I do want her to return. They ask:
Do I have the gear to make that happen?

If christians can wait this long for their savior to return
on an unknown open-ended invite of prose,
I can wait a few years for my beautiful want
to soar from some black ship, no longer adorning the bow
in gold paint and oak,
penetrating the coastal showgirls with her harbor light.

The night turns to straight coffee.
Channel 16 is for distress signals only
and I listen all night.
I wonder if I will hear the voices again
while staring at something shiny
sinking in the water. 

Armstrong

The night the moon cracked open
A voice came from within.

The moon turned to the astronaut
and said to him
‘Please stay. Please stay.’

The astronaut looked
back at the moon

said “I’d love to stay
but I can’t stay with you

I am sorry to report

that I must leave.

For when I’m here

with you

I cannot breathe.”  - Derrick Brown

"I loved her with all my heart
I loved her with all of everyone’s heart.
I won’t love you forever Margaret
But I will love you with all my weird might
For as long as the day will allow.
Everything is supposed to die
It doesn’t frighten me now"

- Derrick Brown

"I can’t fake happiness
Happiness and pure joy are for
people who can dance sober"

- Derrick Brown

"That kind of good.
Your eyes are the kind we have all been waiting for.
When I hear a single note sustain in a room with bad lighting,
I think of us.
Both our bodies,
shivering."

- Derrick Brown

"Stop ruining love by wanting it so bad"

- Derrick Brown

"Some people are drawn to drama. You are not community theater. Fire
the actors from your life. Just cause you know someone doesn’t mean
you owe them anything. Especially if they’re a tool."

- Derrick Brown (via loversdreamersandme)

I say tap in. Tap the shoulder. Love is yours, make the first move.

Lose the ones that stepped on your shoes. The night is yours.
The floors are breaking. do not fall where I’ve fallen. We welcome you.

Those who love the cities that hated them. Those who couldn’t stand anymore so they built splints out of words.

All you have been seared by, that is not church. You are the closest thing to the image of salvation

Something you’ve been waiting for is coming. Guard your heart minimally. You can carry a knife and still trust everyone.

"Guard your heart minimally. You can carry a knife and still trust everyone."

- Derrick Brown